“Make an island of yourself, make yourself your refuge, with no other refuge. Make the Dharma your island, make the Dharma your refuge, with no other refuge.”

These words from the Mahāparinibbāna Sutta are also widely known in Japan through the expression Jitōmyō Hōtōmyō—“Be a light unto yourself, and let the Dharma be your light.”

When I first encountered these words, I wondered if they meant simply, “Believe in yourself, trust your own judgment, and live accordingly.”

But as I continued reading the passage that follows, I came to feel that what the Buddha was teaching was not simply to trust our intuition or emotions.

To observe the body.
To look closely at our emotions, unraveling them to understand the subtle movements of the mind.

I began to think that in order to become our own refuge, we must first come to know ourselves deeply and continue, again and again, to bring ourselves back into balance.

When things do not go as we hoped, we may blame ourselves—or, conversely, want to blame someone else or the circumstances around us.

We cannot change what has already happened. But we can observe what that experience has stirred within us, and from there, choose how we think and how we act.

Anxiety, anger, and sadness all arise within us.

Rather than allowing ourselves to be carried away by these emotions, we can observe them carefully, recognize what is unsettling us, and each time, bring ourselves back into balance.

Perhaps living with oneself as one’s own refuge means continuing to observe the self as it wavers, and continually returning it to balance.